it must be magic

2005-09-23T10:52:00.000-04:00

my aunt opened a Singaporean rest called "Merlion" in ChapelHill. About 25 mins away from sch and an hr away from Greensboro. They have bubble tea, hainanese chicken rice, hokkien mee, sambal, fish, laksa, hor fun, stuffed you tiao, bobor chacha, ice jelly. Was yummy. The standard wasnt bad maybe not as gd as Chomps or where ever but it was still gd. Miss the food tons.
Watched Just like Heaven after dinner, the new Reese Witherspoon movie. It was so sweet i loved it. haha. That guy from 13 going on 30 the photographer that Jennifer Garner ended up with was the lead. He's so cute but in a really bummish sorta way.
This wkend is gonna be amazing. I love wkends. Except that i have an econs test on tues that i have to study and do well for. Oh well. Life is still good :)

Mug hard everyone else. im sending back moral support, i know everyone's gonna do gd!

2005-09-20T20:03:00.000-04:00

i got a hair cut over the wkend, its shorter now. i like it :) im gonna try and figure out how to host pictures then there'll be lots. today's been sucha lazy day, had a test this morning came back took a nap went for a bio lab field trip came back took a nap again. haha

did i mention that im going to New York yet? no, no?
Well I AM. Tommy and I are going to NY for fall break, its gonna be a blast i can NOT wait!!! so excited. only 2 wks more. we're only going for 3 and a half days but still, its gonna be awesome. one of my friends, Charlie, she's hongkie. she went to hairdressing school in Greensboro and does my hair. she's gonna move down to NY so she'll be our "tour" guide.

2005-09-16T19:05:00.000-04:00

it has been sucha long wk, but its passed so fast. didnt realise i havent blogged the whole wk yet. had two tests today, studied for awhile in the evening then went to the gym at 10pm to work out and re-energize. i did good on my physics, 14/15. studied hard for it :)
the NC State bookstore is having a big sale this wkend cos it parents & families wkend. spent $76 something on State gear. GO STATE! haha

had a lil fight with tommy earlier today, this is the first time i've ever fought so much in one relationship yet been so happy. its weird. we shldnt even be fighting. its stupid stuff (to me at least) or maybe he's right and im just nonchalant abt everything, have no feelings and basically dont care. but is that me? i dont think so. i care for him. i really do or i wouldnt even be with him. mayb we just need some time to cool it off.
anyways, everything will get better. its gonna work out i know it will.

heading out to dinner with the asian club soon, havent forgetten my roots. then i might stop by at a toga party. if i can figure out how to tie it. haha

2005-09-09T00:06:00.000-04:00

i just made some instant miso soup...its so gd. want some gd sushi bad!!

Plans for this wkend (ie. starts at 5pm fri evening)

Study for physics
Spend losta time with tommy (tied for 1)
Get good sushi from Wasabi
Let off steam with mahjong
Maybe go clubbing
Go home and be a gd daughter
Maybe lay out in the sun for a little
Eat some good mooncake

i think i really like econs...haha. my prof is hilarious he's greek not like that says much but its a fact. i havent fallen alsp in a single lecture yet and thats a gd thing. did the usual today life of a typical college girl.

got up late, rushed to get ready, had to speed walk to class, fell aslp in biology, got a coffee kick later, went to econs, paid attention, had a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch, did some work due for my next class, went for my next class, read the paper and talked to the girl beside me, almost bought a pair of handmade indian shoes from a lady selling them in the brickyard, went back to my room, did some hw, went for yogalates and kickboxing, got a chicken salad, watched a lil tv, went to hang out/study in a friend's suite, came back, took a shower...now trying to study but ended up blogging instead.

so thats that. what i did the whole of today. tmrw's gonna be diff. its gonna be a half college girl day and a half tommy girl day. *smiles*

2005-09-07T16:28:00.000-04:00

its been at least 3 months since i last updated. from then till now, stuff has happened and i've officially started College (or Uni, whichever you like). forget about what happened during the lost time.

freshman year. new beginnings. a different stage in life. a change in tone. independence.

the past wkend was wonderful. labor day on monday meant a 3-day wkend that i totally made use of. spent time with the family, relaxed at the water park, went clubbing with tommy and some others. t'was amazing :)
been in sch for 3 wks already. classes are swell and first tests are next wk. physics on mon. calc and hist on fri.
cant believe its already sept. would've been mugging with the rest on the tiny island for A's if i was still there. dont know which i prefer. i still miss everyone...thats for sure. but now i have someone that matters, im an hr and a half away from Greensboro (*hint the parents), im meeting new people, having fun.

.im happy.

P.S --- me and kang broke up (whoever's reading and feels that you and I are close enough, email me and i just might tell ya)

2005-06-12T00:14:00.000-04:00

went down to the mall yday with everyone except dad. spent like 30 in claire's, got a pair of denim shorts and got dad a gift for father's day. caught mr & mrs smith last night with trae, tris and cherie. i actually really liked it. it was a lil of everything. it suprised me that it released earlier in s'pore than it did here. went to TCBY after to get ice cream and chat. the whole lot of them went down to Virginia while i was in Florida and they were telling me abt it.

worked today at 6pm did well made ard 70 bucks. served some really nice people. david and tommy and I were taking abt group A (the originals), they were so evil...making fun of the people that left or the people that got fired. we had our laughs. it was fun.

i feel that there's many things that i have to do for school that im not really bothering to do. i guess i shld talk to the admission ppl and find out how many of my credits transfer. and mayb finding out when sch starts would be a really good idea too. haha. its like there's this overall laze in my life that i cant shake off. im just going thru the motions not really caring abt anything, not really giving a shit.

2005-06-09T20:21:00.000-04:00

today marks the start of kang's 2-year transformation to "become a man"
pains me that i wasnt there to send him off. nor will i be there to give him a back massage when he comes out all tired and aching.

its been so different without him. his presence and everything that comes with it is still fresh in my mind. no longer will i have company watching tv late into the night. no longer will i have someone to hug to slp. no longer will i get foot massages after work and back scratches. no longer will my bed be magically made after he wakes me up and i come out of the bathroom after washing up. im sad. i want him back. i dont even know when's the next time im gonna see him. this stinks big time.

2005-06-07T23:15:00.000-04:00

its time for a back log..

the month really flew by, finals then kang arrived then graduation then florida plus in between working.
finals went well i suppose even tho i fell a lil short of my own expectations but still did ok -> A- for Gen Chem 2, B for Zoology, B+ for my Shakespeare historical perspective eng course, A- for US hist.

had much much fun while kang was ard (playing with water bombs and the water slide in the backyard, video games, taking silly pictures) and a few little rather serious quarrels thrown in...abt attraction, acting on it, hiding rather questionable facts, jealous me and a certain other girl whose name also starts with G. we shopped, ate, watched movies and did all the regular couple-y things. even brought him to the restaurant to flaunt him ard. haha (muacks love ya! *winks) i really think my whole family enjoyed his company, mom had extra help ard the house, joel had someone to play all his boy toys with, rachael had a new soccer coach and dad well...i know he did too.

graduation was plesant the ceremony was short and weather was good. we all donned our multi-colored robes (me in red) to symbolize the diversity of ideas the 37 members of the graduating class represented. im glad to be done and moving on to the next phase in life. sad to say but i dont really think The Early College at Guilford made that big an imprint in my life. sure it gave me a head start to college 36 transferable credits means 1 less year. the people...yeah they're nice, no doubting it but in terms of friendships and bonds i think i merely scratched the surface. hi-bye kind, will remember faces and names, but ask me what they like and who they really are and i'll stare back at you in utter blankness.
starting this aug im gonna be a freshman in uni...watch out world! here i come!

im contemplating joining a sorority...shld i? thoughts ppl!

will talk abt florida in the next post, tired now. working double shifts tmrw needa rest my poor aching feet.

2005-06-05T23:20:00.000-04:00

summer vacation has officially started (even tho i've already been out of sch for a month). days of sunsets at 9 p.m, sweltering heat, ice cream trucks and laziness are yet to come.
joel asked just now "Do I have school tmrw?" rachael replied, "nope no school for three months" its so long...three months, then im off to do my undergraduate! woohoo.

kang left at noon today. he's enlisting on friday. wonder what else we'll have to overcome before we can truely be together again. college for me, ns for him, then college for him, maybe more sch for me if i decide to get my masters. who knows whats gonna happen. the world only throws questions and situations at me. im not sure yet if i really believe that i can find all the answers deep down somewhere inside of me. but if not then where?

went for a "fantasy" dining experience as they called it here. its just teppanyaki. haha. popped into the restaurant after to check next week's schedule and i realized how much i really enjoy working there. i missed it. somehow its like when i walk in, i walk into this alternate universe where nothing exsists accept the customers and their food.

thats gonna be my summer thing, working and accumulating a sum of cash that i dont think i'll be spending much of since i opened my closet today to pack the new stuff that i bought from florida to find that not only did i not have enough hangers or space, but that there were at least 6 items with tags on and probably another 6 that i cut off but hadnt worn yet.

someday i'll try to determine the valuation price of all my clothes and bags.

2005-06-05T16:09:00.000-04:00

life was swell, was awesome, was laughter-filled. it was great for all but one month. i miss him already and its only been 5 hrs since he left. i cant stand it!!! i sorta really understand romeo and juliet now.

now im left lonely, depressed and crying again. sigh.

2005-05-03T01:21:00.000-04:00

i've been tossing and turning for the past 45 mins cant get to slp. chem finals tmrw. this wkend was awesome had a blast at work. made like a 150 in tips. my hourly pay is only 2.13 so dont be envious. my poor feet hurt.

i think im starting to get in touch with my roots once again. its funny how dislikes can become likes in a different enviornment. we started a dictionary. me and david. one chn word everyday. lets see how far we can get.. he's almost as illiterate as me. haaaa!

kang's arriving this sat. cant wait to see him..he's the best graduation present! im gonna be slammed this next few wks. have to get my 45 hrs worth of service, prepare my dance for the senoir talent show, spend time with kang, work, may even have to go to sch for pissy US hist. i dont really give a shit about it. the exams this fri and i know just abt zilch. can i cram a few hundred yrs of history into my little left brain? i think not.

some guys are such asses. all they care abt is fucking cash. not kang. no not my kang. but seriously i wish i could exterminate all those inconsiderate jerks. think you own the world? NOT!

2005-04-27T23:25:00.000-04:00

i hate being best friends forever (BFFs) with procrastination and laziness. whats wrong with me!?!?! i wish i were one of those super motivated ppl. or really good at time management. or something. im just glad i always manage to scrape thru. change is so hard. im busting my ass studying now. finals are fri and tues. then im done done. cant believe how time zooms. still rem when i jus started sch.

been so really busy the past two wks. wrapping up everything in sch, getting ready for the dance performance, preparing for finals and working. had training everyday last wk at the restuarant. we had a wine appreciation class on monday, 'twas fun. ask me now im an expert (well sorta). tues, wed learned how to use the computer system thing and went over responsibilities, expectations and the like. thurs had food tasting..the food's great! 2 hrs went by and we only got thru the appitizers and some chicken entrees. fri morn me and mommy went shopping to buy all my work clothes, went to 4 stores haha. have to be stylish even at work :) since everything can be returned no harm buying then looking ard again. fri evening and sat were invitation only dry run. messy, hectic, confusing but fun.
im so glad im workin there! its family run and the 2 brothers who are the managers are only 24 and 21. ppl are really nice plus i get to prac my mandarin. we opened on sun but it was really slow cos they forgot to change the "now hiring" sign to a "now open" sign. one of the brothers finally went out to get a sign. they forgot so many more things its hilarious. booster seats, calculators, hot fudge sauce, plastic bags...haha. theres so much more to say but i dont wanna go on and on anymore..the clock's ticking..only gave myself a 15 min study break and i have to go make some coffee.

kang might be coming after all. yayayayay! can you imagine how excited i am? after this i wont be able to see him for 2 years. i keep pretending. i was i could pretend my life away. pretend and wake up and find that im right beside him. it sucks to live in a real world where everything is beyond my control. i want my way...

humans are slaves to emotion...love being the strongest most intense slave-driver

2005-04-20T11:47:00.000-04:00

i have said nasty things,
done stupid things,
let horrible thoughts form in my mind,
starved myself,
cried myself to sleep,
pulled my hair out (almost literally),
threw things,
ripped things,
written sappy love letters,
binged,
called some guy just to hear his hello,
played hard to get,
laughed and enjoyed myself,
felt insecure,
felt ugly,
felt fat,
flirted,
cut my palm while gripping my fingers too tightly,
had big smiles on my face,
felt my hands tremble when the teacher called 5 mins and i still had 3 ques,
stumbled over words,
thought of ending my life.

all these and more i have done every action caused by an emotion its natural i suppose but it makes me feel so out of control how do i tame it tame those god damn feelings pain love jealousy hate insecurity loneliness dislike disdain fear anger joy nervousness passion sadness unhappiness lust excitment tell me tell me how what should i do i know that they will one day get the better of me i will be ruined because of a feeling what are "they" anyway why do "they" eat away feed on me "they" will cause my demise i am almost certain

love is nothing?

2005-04-19T22:37:00.000-04:00

as i mentioned 'twas my dad's birthday on Sunday. a few weeks ago i tried to get my mom to get a reservation at this really nice place and take him for dinner (she didnt do it). their world revolves ard us kids and i think they should get some time together. then on sat i suggested that they go for dinner and a movie; i would babysit. my dad was up for it but mom said she was lazy didnt want to eat dinner. so he looked up the movie times and all then she kept complaining that she had a tummy ache, felt really bloated, needed to clear her stomach before she went. so on so on. long story short she took a really long time the movie started and she said we should all go out for dinner, they would catch a movie tmrw. told them they should go alone but they insisted...so off we went.

next day had to go thru a similar process resulting in all of taggin along for the movie, then to church then for dinner. grrrrr....

exasperating! im at my wits end. how are they gonna rekindle any spark if all they talk abt is "i needa call Daddy and tell him to go pick up the kids from soccer" or worse, asking me to call for her... "call Daddy ask him what time he's coming home for dinner, food's gettin cold." such an un-ideal relationship. v-day was uneventful, birthdays too, mother's day is the next chance.

my plan - *sneaky smile* im gonna treat them to a couples' massage. have to find out when mother's day is tho. not sure if i can earn enough...the restaurant only opens this Sun.

do all marriages culminate in this? routine over love...

2005-04-18T00:19:00.000-04:00

been a gd wkend very lazy as usual. caught miss congeneality2 it was good light hearted funny enjoyable cute just what i was in the mood for. didnt have to waste a single brain cell processing it. no energy needed expended. was my dad's birthday tooday but we sorta did a two day celebration.

my parents have been weird. i think they dont love each other anymore. things have been tense. my mom's very spiteful. the whole "no one lifts a finger to do anything, everyone treats me like a maid" attitude is very telling. at least i've been good. i wash the dishes clean my own bathroom try to stay out of her way do whatever she tells me keep my room neat clean and tidy sometimes help wash the clothes or fold them or iron them or vacuum or sweep or mop or cook. she has bad mood swings, most of the time she's cool i like her. but i think she takes my dad for granted. she blamed him once for not coming home early to cook the rice cause she didnt know how and burned it (we do it in the microwave so there has to just the right amt of rice and water). she always says he never lifts a finger to do anything and i once heard them arguing abt "vacuuming the staircase" late at night. theres so many more things. they were really bad for a period of time didnt talk and she slept in rach's room (rach has a loft bunk bed) for a night or two.

dad is a simple man. he has very few needs and is totally a family guy. we're really close cos it was just me and him for almost 6 months. i really felt like they were separated then. we got by and it was fun. ya know washed clothes once a wk, ate microwave dinners (i cooked regularly tho), cleaned the house every not so often, played golf in the house, went shopping and blahblah. he's sorta like kang. doesnt really have a temper, but gets red hot when he explodes, always gives in to my mom unless she goes way over the line, doesnt buy very many things for himself but is generous on fam, easy going, willing to sacrifice his alone time. i asked him if he still loved my mom. he said he did but he didnt know if she did. said that they were much closer when they were continents apart, emailed regularly and didnt quarrel.

i tried to get them to go on a date but was unsuccessful. more details another time. tired now.

2005-04-13T15:09:00.000-04:00

today is the National Day of Silence.
the entire Muilticultural dept in Guilford is participating in order to bring attention to the fact that many people in the community must still remain silent for fear of violence. the whole aim of the nation-wide event is to recognize the harassment, prejudice and discrimination, "silencing", faced by gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered (GLBT) persons. i am so blown away...didnt know that it was goin to be such a statement. just found out that all classes within the M.C dept were still held but without any discussion or verbal communication. all participants were wearing white armbands as an advisory tool. there were so many people!!

go check out http://www.dayofsilence.org/ for more info.

2005-04-12T23:38:00.000-04:00

so proud. i managed to change the layout all by myself, no help at all. drey bet ur as proud of me as i am of ya mahjong skills...haha.

prom was fun, nothing much to say about it. think its all hype. thats gonna be my new word. everything is hype, nothing but hype. when does something ever really live up too its standards or expectations? in one way or another there's always gonna be a complaint.
always the people you're with and not where ya are or what ya do.
i had a good time. and thats all that matters. the photographer's pictures are up so if anyone wants a look see, ya know all those cute american guys and hot girls (not quite tho...hype again).
i linked it up, the password is ecprom2005 and i think they'll ask for a name and email so use mine. or crap it.

2005-04-10T23:57:00.000-04:00

Real life is embarrassment and nervousness and insecurity. Real life is guessing how others judge you. Real life is a struggle for attention. Real life is happiness and success and failure and love. Real life is about making sure boundaries don't get crossed. Real life is not reality tv.
My real life is filled with internal conflict.

All prom-ed out today.

2005-04-05T11:01:00.000-04:00

have a little time btw classes now so decided to get a quick blog in. ive been lazy and unfaithful to you again. *im so sry my dear bloggie* dont even know what i've been busy with. still have a paper to write and a big chem test to study for. sch's gonna be over in less than a month. finals before that, working and making up service hours after. still have about 50 left i think.
prom's this wkend. quite excited. there's gonna be this huge after-party :)
i got a job! at a new, yet to open up-class asian place. have to go in for training sometime soon then they'll decide pay and position.

2005-04-02T20:26:00.000-05:00

i got a job! yay!! had a great day. shopping, eating and hanging out with the fam at the mall. saw pretty things, got some pretty things. gonna go watch basketball now.
love everyone!

dedicated to ya...my sweet!!

2005-03-29T21:16:00.000-05:00

woke up in the middle of the night and my guy wasnt by my side. could have sworn i was dreaming, i really felt him there. ever since i left i've been so lonely. i have nobody. so lonely. cant believe after all we have to go thru you still want to stick aroung by my side. without ya in my life im so lonely. there's no where on earth i'd rather be, no one else i'd rather see, then the guy of my dreams that would make me so happy. but so lonely now.

looking back on the year and a half we spent together, how its been, what we went thru. yeah we've had our little ups and downs but we've stilled pulled thru. you're my world. my everything. i wanna look into your eyes and tell ya I LOVE YA!
everytime i look at you, i cant believe i've found a love so true. every minute i spend with you makes me cherish you more. you sweep me off my feet, make my soul go weak, cause my heart to beat. i could never live without ya. you're my sweet love.
when you're not by my side you're the only guy i wanna be with. i never knew a love like this, a love so strong.
my love for ya will never end. i'll keep loving ya. you'll always be a part of me. you'll always be my baby boy.
deep deep down...i always knew we would get together, i just didnt want to admit it :p *winks*

2005-03-28T15:30:00.000-05:00

i am thankful for all that i have. i really am. i complain everyday about the most trival things always forgetting how lucky i am.
can you imagine a world without peace? a land that has never been free. people who fight generation after generation in hope that the future will be changed. can you imagine fighting off invaders by throwing stones. can you imagine being shot at 16 while fighting for rights, for freedom, for peace? can you imagine living with a disability, a serious one. one that requires you to be carried around. that inhibits your speech and expressive capabilities. can you imagine having to face all that when you are 3, or 5, or 11, or even 18. can you imagine not being normal? or leading a normal lifestyle.
who has never had to deal with all of the above say I.
*germaine says I*
see arent i luckly. but seriously working with horsepower has really made me realise the things i take for granted. so has talking with faris. and so has lots of other things.
single-parent and broken families are so common here its scary. of all the people i knew back in SG maybe 2 or 3 were from that kinda family backgrd. but here its something like out of all the people i know (which is not alot) i think i can name at least 20 off the top of my head with step-parents, have no dad, really young mom, parents divorced...its so sad.
maybe i've led a very sheltered life and was never exposed to an enviornment like that. maybe its just that im old-fashioned and cant except something like that. or maybe there's smth really really wrong with american culture and values.

2005-03-28T00:28:00.000-05:00

attended a really awesome swing workshop yesterday. the teachers were fr sweden and it was free for Guilford students. had a blast! got to do lindy, black bottom, balboa and the charleston. they continued today but with church and easter brunch and so on didnt have time to go down.
wish kang was there missed him so much. so happy that i got to talk to ya hon! *winks* muacks. i send all my love.

suddenly feel so very sleepy. train of thought halted. will continue another day.
i love ya sweetie pie, baby cakes, honey buns, most precious, prince charming, one and only!
smooch,smooch,smooch!

p.s
i was talking about you just now cant rem abt what then joel said "yeah i love kang yin too and i kiss him before cause he's my big brother! so cute right :o) haha

p.p.s
Jas: about lifehouse, i know right..really dont get it. everyone here is so "want to save face" in every aspect of whatever they do.
Min: royal is royalty. my sis made me a tiara for my prom haha can represent the royal family. who cares about freebies? i want my royal!! *sreams and whines*

glad ya all dropped by. love and miss ya all tons!

2005-03-24T22:57:00.000-05:00

been meaning to post about exciting things, but everytime i try to log in from sch it fails.

as some already know (kang in particular, since i think only he visits) one of my gd friends is iranian or persian however you look at it. this past wkend they celebrated their new year and we went up to charlotte, about an hr and a half drive, with a few other ppl for a party. its was awesome.
since it was more of a family setting so they had a potluck dinner and there was so much great food. had a live band that played persian dance music and some eng dance songs they rocked too. heard that they were payed $1600 for the whole set, about 3.5/4 hours. we danced like crazy. i love it how dance is so integrated into their culture. everyone was dancing from ppl as old as my grandparents to kids as young as my brother. the dance floor was packed and everyone was all dolled and made up.
i met some really interesting people too, shall only talk about one tho. this guy called josh he's white but his stepdad is iranian. he can speak iranian and was trying to rap and rhyme. heard that he's really into breaking and trains twice a wk someplace near me. told me to go down sometime, will see how it goes. he knows a little bit of mandarin too said he's got books and tapes and things to teach himself. his stepdad used to teach kung-fu and he met all these little kids that used to teach him some mandarin, that's how he started. he speaks reallyreally funny, in this totally flat tone and half the time i dont understand what the heck he's talking abt. but he's a nice guy. 6'5 tall and brags that he's never played basketball in his life before. haha

i found out recently that a lot of politics goes on around school. i didnt really think so since everyone seems to get along with everyone else but guess thats just all on the surface. Lifehouse came last thurs *St Patty's Day* to play at this place called McCool's and some people were planning on goin down for the gig. So they asked me along and i said ok. And they were talking about who was goin to drive and all. Then one of the girls, Kaitlin, went "You know there's something i forgot to tell you guys. Remember i told you i can get us free tickets at the door? Well we have to get them from Hannah cause she said she's goin to be there. And i really dont want to have to be the one to ask her for them since she always brags about how great she is, always giving away free stuff and im really not fond of her, dont want to talk to her." thoese werent her exact words but somewhere along those lines. now about his Hannah girl. she seems kinda sweet i dont really know her only talked to her a few times though i always see her and her BF making out at random places. alot of ppl call her WHALEY cos her last name is WALEY. i dont really know why, no ones told me and i dont want to ask. her dad does promotions and the like for this really big event planning company here and i guess he's quite up there since she always has preview tickets and freebies to give out.
to cut a long story short. the group decided not to go see LIFEHOUSE PLAY!!! since they would have to humiliate themselves by asking her for tickets. how ridiculous. i said i would do it but they were like "oh nono you dont have to do that for us, once you ask her for them she'll make you feel indebted to her. plus you cant ask for 7 she'll know that we're avoiding her and wont give them to ya. she likes to have power and feel superior to other people."
*shakes head* i tried to persuade but guess no one was that interested in seeing lifehouse after all.

2005-03-18T19:54:00.000-05:00

its friday again. yet another wk has passed. it snowed yday and was freezing like mayb -10 sch was closed for rach and joel. but poor poor me i sat in class watching it snow and snow and snow. first time (and prob last) that it snowed for more than 4 hrs straight and accumulated. i didnt even get to touch it!! yeah its only snow but still... today it was at least 20 degrees, bright sunshine and all. the weather's really screwed up.
spent 6 hours doin my chem prob set today. finished half of it in the morn before i went to sch. got to the study lounge at 11 left at 4.
there were so many people, table was all covered with stuff, eating.talking.joking.fooling around.reading questions over and over.train of thought lost.coming up blank.laughing.giggling, 6 hr long prob set.
havent had a proper conversation with kang in a wk. he's had to rush his proj and i've had things to do too. im glad its finally over. i can TALK to him now. communication is so impt. and trust too. love him with all my heart...really do. feel so bad that he's goin thru a bad patch now and i cant be there for him. there's so many things i wish i could do for him that i cant. its not fair.

2005-03-14T23:33:00.000-05:00

simple things
i just want to hear your voice.
stand next to you.
look into your eyes.
watch you smile.
hear you laugh.
see your face.
i just want to know that you are here.
have you ruffle my hair.
kiss my forehead.
stroke my cheek.
hold my hand or just one finger even.
wrap your arms around me.
not let me go.
i just want to love you more.
tell you so.
show you so.
simple things. that we long for.
simple things. that we are denied of.
simple things. that are beyond my control and yours too.

X marks the spot.

2005-03-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

its over. back to sch. yay!!...NOT

black and white, black and white. ugly and beautiful. fat and thin. short and tall. appearances? why do people judge..situation first. assumption second. confirmation third. how many times are they right?
how many people judge me? everyone? suppose it is human nature. i judge too. im not saying its wrong it could be but WE still do it. everyone's not equal all are different.. sterotypes aplenty preconsumptions forever forming. how many are true?
how many people succumb? to be integrated into a group, society. to mimic, to follow, learn by example, acustomize, change, adapt. is it all that? do YOU know who you really are? do I know who i really am?
are WE byproducts of the society, of our era. or are WE people we want to be, individual, independent, self, me. do we chose? really? we get a choice? or are we just moulding ourselves to fit into our surroundings? again and again and again.
how much of what we know is tue? how much of it is going to be around? do YOU think? cos I do. i think all the time. who am i? what am i doing? where am i going? is it aimless, is it pointless..it is just living its all part of existence and it is SAD at times..yes. it is HARD at times too. PAINFUL? no doubt. but it is also ENJOYABLE! and EXCITING! plus not to mention AWESOME!! :o)

would you want to be an animal? to live generation after generation, accomplishing nothing. but their brief physical lives.

nature's other side

2005-03-10T19:31:00.000-05:00

I just saw an exclusive interview with Petra..the model that clung to the tree for 8 hrs during the tsunami. It was so so sad. Its amazing that she survived guess God has better plans for her. Her pubic bone was broken in 6 places by all the debris that was sweeping her legs. She walks with crutches now. They showed some other stories of other survivors and it just struck me how fast woo-haas die down. I mean this is a good thing to be concerned about but nothing much is really reported anymore. Its as if it was all a lifetime ago.
My mom made me do chores the whole day. Had to wash the bathroom, vacuum, clear the trash, clean my room, fold clothes...blahblah. Ya know I realized that people here seem to get married really young. I was at the gym this morning and I saw at least 4 four ladies who looked probably in their early twenties didnt look at all like they had children but yup at the end they went into the child care room and all of them walked out with babies or toddlers on their hips. Is it a waste? Or a luxury? To not need to work and hang around the gym almost every morning then take your kid to a play-date or the library for storytime or shopping for cute little clothes or to the park. Beats me.. I really dont know..

wheeee..wheeee..

2005-03-06T23:26:00.000-05:00

life is so different. i no longer see any meaning or know what to do with myself. i used to have kang i used to have loads of friends...i knew my place, knew what i meant to them, knew who i was, knew that i enjoyed being around ppl and what not.
now tho its changed.
i do have friends..hi-bye surface ones and mayb a few that im closer too. i dont really go out much and i guess i've become so used to being alone that it doesnt really bother me anymore. i go to sch come home and go to sch the next day. its become such a routine i dont look forward to nor do i dread anything. its just so blahhhh... im not doing bad but im not gd either im just living. i've come to the point where i dont really care, i never really made the effort to make strong connections with anyone.. oh well enough of that.

on the contrary i had a great wkend!!! :) went to look for prom dresses yday with 2 girls from sch tried on expensive ones and pranced ard in the dressing room taking pics. (the pics turned out really bad and blurry cos we didnt use flash and we didnt focus properly before takin so their all ugly and messed up..which really sucks) all the dresses were so preeettttyy!! elegant and exquisite looking with all the tulle and what not..but i would never get one. they all cost like at least a 100 and i would definately only wear it once..unless i get married really young and am still the same size..
so we spent half a day at the mall and i got 5 tops all really nice!!! (what can i say i have a great eye for clothes :p) will try and take pics if i rem to.. then me and rach went to bunk at Bita's place (one of my closer friend's, she's iranian, her sister is one year younger than rach and they get along really well so when we come and go in pairs me n rach or her and her sis) last night. her house is amazing its so big! a lil like those in the O.C but she doesnt have a pool, we rented Big Fish and they have a movie room with a projection screen and everything i fell aslp halfway tho. haaa
came back this morn and my dad's friends were over at our place. they have two little kids (matt and jana) that are sosososo adorable so cute! their parents are both singaporean but their still really really cute. and talkative. my cousins came up from Raleigh (abt an hr and a half away, where im prob gonna go to sch NC State) awhile later and we piled to a chinese buffet rest for lunch. its not bad they have sushi and dimsum but alota fake americanized chn fd.. had really nice weather today so hung out in my backyard after lunch. the kids played, ran around and our backyard is elevated kinda sloping down so all they all had a field day running up and rolling down then running back up again..haha

2005-03-04T22:28:00.000-05:00

you made me cry (but in a good way) :)

2005-03-04T22:16:00.000-05:00

underachiever -- never doing anymore than the required amount, never perfoming to the fullest ability, always procrastinating, pushing things off, last minute rushing, lazy.
I know it. Yet I do not change. I know it yet I still allow it to persist...but why? Beats me. All the things I could do if only I were an overachiever

2005-03-04T02:37:00.000-05:00

So im finally back on...drey did my blog up for me :)
Its been quite a long wk 3 tests, 2 papers just finished the final one like 2 hrs ago. Tmrw's the end. Spring break here I come!!!

I have a resolution. I want to make the dean's list this sem. I must make it. So I continue in my pursuit of A's which is ridiculously 90 and above. And guess what im not making A's...only one and barely for my first chem test.

I never thought we'd have this sorta prob. You know I want you. You know you want to talk to me. Why punish me? Does it please you? Its always me. Im always the cause of it. I wont say sorry anymore...I know you dont want to hear it. I probably dont mean it anyway. I wont promise anymore.
G'night.
I love you still...

Hello Maine!

2005-03-04T02:30:00.000-05:00

Audrey Invades!
I love you maine!

2004-11-17T09:03:00.000-05:00

so kang's been here for some time now...was really glad to see him and its like nth changed. i hate that he has to leave its so nice having him here. i finally have someone to talk to, to be there for me, to hold me and hug me. i miss my old life so much...i dont want to be stuck in this limbo zone. it stinks.

GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! PISSED OFF!!! im trying to reg my classes for next sem but the server keeps having some fucking error. cant get all the classes i want!!!!!!! ARGHHHHH!!!! its not good being a freshman...suckssuckssuckssucks!!!! bleah

so i went up to NC State to visit last thurs with my dad and kang. its nice, big...they have a really gd college of life sciences with lots of different opportunites availble since its such a big sch. i might end up there...if i get accepted that is. im so lazy now that kang's here. my dad's been letting him drive so he takes me to sch just before class and i dont have to bum rides off ppl anymore or wait ages for my dad to pick me up. works out great since we get to spend more time together even if its just hanging ard at home. the only drawback is that im getting so lazy...havent really been doing my work and finals are coming. sigh. have to stop...must stop...must spend more time on my bks.

so i have to do this research paper thats due next month. have no idea what im gonna do it on yet...any suggestions?

life is boring. i still cant log on. next sem is gonna stink big time.

to whoever still reads my blog... have loads of fun doing whatever ya'll are doing :)

say it with me...GLOOM

2004-11-03T20:45:00.000-05:00

im back...after a longlonglong time. suddenly felt like typing, like speaking, like ranting and venting. bush won...oh my gosh. i was up till late last night watching the election coverage. its amazing how im not that concerned with politics yet im disgusted that he won and the popular vote at that!?!? someone pls explain it to me.

lost. who am i? i cant seem to find myself...its like i lost me, the essence of me like i left me behind like i've become an empty shell going to sch, coming home, doing sch work, saying hi and bye to ppl. everything with a smile but deep down.........

footnote :
ppl were walking ard today like its the end of the world.

2004-07-20T21:31:00.000-04:00

Finished driver's ed today now all i have to do is wait for the instructor to call and then i can go onto the road. It really sucks to not be able to drive cause there is TOTALLY no public transport at ALL...mayb there is downtown or smth but i havent seen a single bus or cab ard my area or wherever since i arrived. So im stuck at home with the tv and my laptop. Cable rocks! haha Just finished watching this new reality show TRADING SPOUSES (2 fams switch either mom or dad and the new mom or dad has to decide how to spend 50 grand for their new fam) its really funny must watch it when it gets there yeah. Miss everyone loads!! Been talking to kang online and on the phone a little but its not the same to not have him next to me and i hate it that we have to go thru this...its really a test of how strong our relationship is.
Love ya baby! *smooch*

Last Wk

Didnt really do much the past wk juz to driver's ed and back. Went down to my new sch on tues its a tie-up between the public sch system and a college. There's only 126 students, those in 9th & 10th grade complete the fout-yr high sch course and graduate at the end of 9th all classes for them are held on the college campus. 11th & 12th graders take all college classes together with college freshmen. So im suppose to go into 11th according to age but i went in one tues to meet the principal and the advisor (its so cute cause the main office is in this house...the whole house is made into the office and there's only the principal, advisor & an all in one lady + they know every single student by name) and they looked over everything i had and they put me in 12th grade sent me home with 2 essays to write & an online health course to complete.

Second interesting thing last wk was that i painted my deck on sat took almost 2 hrs to finish it after tt my back was aching, my tighs were aching and my back had a really obvious outline of my sports bra. Went the church then went for viet food. Its so gd real authentic the place is run by a viet family then wanted to go shopping but its started pouring so we went home. Rain here is really scary its super heavy and the wind is very strong trees sway flah flood warnings are issused and it gets really cold.

Sunday dad played golf while i stayed in to talk to kang. Dad's really crazy abt golf watches golf channel whenever he's home and i have to fight with him for the remote. haha he's turned one of our empty rooms into this putt putt area to practice in. Went shopping in the aft bought this pair of really high strappy shoes that cost 6 bucks saw this other pair of really cute shoes for 4 bucks but didnt have my size!!! damn i refused to give up looking and dad had to drag me away...idiotic :p haha
But not everything's cheap i mean if you look at it in US$ clothes and food is prob a tad cheaper but if you convert and compare then stuff is really quite expensive.

miss everyone!! take care :o)

2004-07-14T21:21:00.000-04:00

Wanted to update a few days ago but didnt get ard to it tho. Havent been doing much just tryin to get settled in.

9/7/04

Arrived on fri morn at 10+ gained one day cause of the time diff. Plane ride was at least 30 hrs but felt like days...was a long long journey. Flew to L.A from Sg had 2 seats to myself and since the plane was new was a comfy ride. Had over 60 movies + tv shows + games + 40 cds availble so i was kept entertained didnt even have to pull out the bk i brought along. Reached L.A at 5+ in the evening their time had a 5 hr plus transit so met my auntie. Took me to johnny rocket for a milkshake its very like billy bombers but their JUKEBOX works (jas,bingo&kang...*winkz) but B.B has better milkshakes i feel theirs were kinda watery. Drove up to Santa Monica walked ard the mall and 3rd street promenade then went back to the airport at 9+.

6 hr plane ride to Charlotte slept the whole way then had a 3 hr transit at the airport. Got a doughnut, coffee and sat down with my bk. Plane was a 20-seater left at 9.20 and 20 mins later i arrived at the Greensboro airport.

Daddy came to pick me up went home dropped off my stuff then we went out for lunch at a steakhouse. (Just an after thought: the waitress got a US$3.50 tip which used to be an hr's pay at ritz and how many tables was she serving? Hmm at least 6?) So yeah spent the rest of the day unpacking and doing routine stuff.

10/7/04

Daddy woke me up at 6 dont even wake up that early on a sch day... was out of the house by 7 to go for yard sales. Drove ard my neighbourhood looking out for signs or flyers stuck on lamp-posts. Went to a few and its interesting and amazing what they have. One house was selling all its furniture another had lotsa hockey stuff (which imm made me think of kang and wanted to get only i didnt know wat to get) most had clothes and all sorts of knick knacks. Cant rem wat i did after tt... I know I cooked lunch for us OOOHHH then we went grocery shopping and its like WOW the amt of stuff that they have the variety and the size of the packages or bottles or watever really WOW.

11/7/04

Daddy went to play golf in the morn i stayed home and talked to my HONEY :o) miss him so much!! Went shopping in the aft bought 2 tops and a skirt...one thing that i've noticed tho is that their 'in' kinda shoes are really ugly shall take a pic one day. Had roast chicken for dinner was so SO big mayb 2 half times the size of a normal one. Had to peel the meat into a container and stick it into the fridge.

12/7/04

So started driver's ed this morn some of those taking look so young most are 14 half. Incredible right wonder what i was doing at 14 and they can start learning to drive...?
Have a black teacher he's super duper funny helps that he is or i'll prob fall aslp and die...4 hrs is a long long time. Mayb i'll retell some of his stories...yeah mayb i will some other day. Yeah so he goes like 'dawg', 'tight', 'holler back', 'burn the road up' and stuff like that and he's very very expressive so yeah real funny.

Daddy brought me to an empty car park at night and taught me how to drive. Was kinda funny cause he would be like 'No, no too close you gonna hit the pole move move' and he'll sit there saying loudly almost shouting then he'll be like 'get down i show ya let me show ya' so that was how it was till it was dark then we went home. (dark meaning 9)

more soon!!

driving sch!!!

2004-07-12T07:27:00.000-04:00

Its 7.20 on monday morning 12th of july now.In the living rm typing this post waiting for my dad to get ready to send me to sch not my sch but some high sch where the driving course is held. Starts at 8. Kinda excited tt im gonna start learning to drive but think its gonna be boring... I mean classrm classes till the 21st for 4 hrs each and everyday??

Mtv's playing Jessica Simpson's - Angels

Have to go soon I took some pics of my house inside and out will try and figure out how to post them up when I get back. And will also update on what i've been doing the past few days other then MISSING KANG...haha.

cuddleSSsss

2004-06-24T08:20:00.000-04:00

Spent the past few days changing the template for the better with kang's help (he's been so obliging to picky me). The no no this one dont want.. I want the font bigger.. NO! not this colour... ME. Went to Bugis yday and saw *drumroll* MICHELLE CHIA think she was out shopping but people were terrorising her as she walked. Picture here autograph there. All except me... arent I a saint? HAHA she's pretty, tall and slim. Wonder if extrim really works???

Long awaited...

2004-06-21T23:54:00.000-04:00

Ooookk. Its finally up and running!! For how long have I been saying that I was gonna get a blog done? Well its done now tried a few times at kang's house but was so lag I gave up. This first post's gonna be short cause im leaving NOW... gonna meet kang fer lunch